ARE YOU SEEKING APPROVAL FROM OTHERS?
As a young footballer, you are exposed to an abundance of pressure. This can be induced by coaches, parents, teammates, friends, scouts, supporters, and even self-expectation. However, this is heightened when athletes falsely formulate pressures from these external sources, through a “mind reading” process, which is inaccurately informed by the desire for social approval. Therefore, there is an incongruency between your beliefs and the actual beliefs and expectations from external sources.
Are you engaging in this maladaptive pattern of thinking?
Here are some belief statements. If they align with some of your thinking, then maybe you’re playing more for others than yourself:
If I score a hat trick/keep and clean sheet/get 3 assists, then kids at school will like me more.
My teammates and the older players in the academy will show me more respect if I am the top scorer this season.
If I have 100% shot accuracy in this game, then my parents will be happy with my performance.
It’s embarrassing if I trip over running with the ball, as the crowd will jeer me.
The gaffer will take me off if I try to play that long ball, I must keep my passing accuracy up with short, safe passes.
The better I play, the more popular I will be with my teammates and at school.
My friends watching in the crowd will be impressed if I score a Rabona today!
PLAY SELFISH FOOTBALL
Stop playing to please others and start playing selfish football, that will improve both your personal and your team's performance.
The false assumptions you make about others' thoughts and beliefs about your football abilities can be challenged, through curating a table of ‘refocus statements’. I challenge you to make an opposing refocus statement for each assumption that focuses on others. These statements will be new thoughts and beliefs that focus on your football performance.
You can use these new statements to challenge existing, maladaptive beliefs during a game. Below, I have detailed a few examples to get you started:
Focus on Others | Focus on my Performance |
If I score a hat trick today, then my coach has to start me in the next game! | That is out of my control. I will focus on putting in place the shooting technique I have been practising in training. |
If I don’t save this penalty, then my teammates will be annoyed, and the crowd will jeer me. | This won’t help me save the penalty. I will focus on where the penalty taker is looking, recall where my coach said they normally go, and attend to the position of their hips and last foot placement. |
My parents will not be happy if I get subbed off before the end of the match, I must get a goal involvement to stay on, and impress the scout. | This is not important. I will focus on making my runs, tracking back, regularly scanning the game, and keeping my head up when I am on the ball. |
6 TIPS TO STOP WORRYING & FOCUS ON YOUR GAME
Here are 6 tips to challenge the inner voice of social approval, and focus on your game:
Increase your self-awareness and limit the irrational assumptions you make. Why do you need others’ approval about your football ability?
Identify when you begin to mind-read and stop! Use the refocus statements to keep your head in the game.
Reality check. Test your assumptions of others’ thoughts and beliefs, by asking how they thought you played today.
Work on your self-concept. Develop confidence-bolstering strategies that fuel your belief in yourself. Remember that others’ opinions should not influence your performance, play for yourself.
Self-respect. Work on respecting yourself instead of seeking admiration from external sources. Shake your own hand at the end of the game.
Self-esteem and footballing success are separate constructs. Your football stats are not a reflection of your entire self. You’re more than a footballer, diversify your identity.
Selfish football does not mean hogging the ball! If you’re playing with the weight of others on your back, and their voices in your head, how can you expect to play with freedom and flow? I would love to hear how you challenge yourself to stop reading others' minds, so please feel free to share in the comments! If you would like help challenging false assumptions and developing statements that will keep your head in the game for the full 90 minutes, then please get in contact with me at robin@autonomypsychology.com
Best Wishes
Robin Hughes
Mental Performance Coach and Sports Counsellor located near Chelmsford, Essex, UK supporting athletes, exercisers, and coaches worldwide with Online Sports Psychology Services. Specialising in working within the fitness industry.
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